I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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