it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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