All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
