Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
