We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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