dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
