If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
