I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
