My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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