just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
