omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have aggressive nipples.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
