I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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