i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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