I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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