I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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