I wanna passion pit in your ass
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
