Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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