Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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