I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
