I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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