I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
