A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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