I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
