Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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