Jerry, you need to find god
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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