I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
