Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
