But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
