I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
