im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
