turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
