This is not my ceiling
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
