I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
