that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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