My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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