I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
