I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
