i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
