I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
