i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
