Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
