I wish I could punch you in the face.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
