can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
