i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
