I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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