that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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