I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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