Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
