I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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