I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
