She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
