then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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