Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
