did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize