He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
