When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
