why didn't you poke me back
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
