RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
