He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
